Trust

I think I'm going to get a tattoo of the word "Trust". I'm going to put it on my wrist so I can see it all the time. Not to remind myself to be more trusting, but to remind myself how precious it is, and how easily humans can destroy it.

Moments before I invited Christ into my life, a voice asked me "Why do you want to push away someone who loves you so completely?" I had been resisting God. I wanted to learn who God was before I made a commitment to Him. I wanted to read the Bible. I wanted to wait and see if I was sure. I believe it was God who spoke to me and gave me the nudge I needed. "What are you waiting for?" I couldn't give Him an answer. I wanted His love so badly, but I made myself wait for assurance that God was truly who He says He is. I didn't understand that God operates differently than people do.

Even though now I do trust God, I haven't found it any easier to trust people. I've still found it especially difficult to trust the church. The church is just people. People are flawed. How can I trust people, even if they love God? I'd like to trust my church. I'd like to volunteer my time knowing that I'm making a positive difference. I'd like to tithe without fear that my giving won't be mismanaged. I'd like to think that my pastor doesn't confuse opinion with truth. I'd like to think that fear mongering and manipulation have no place in the house of God.
I know far too many people whose lives have been impacted really devistating ways by other people who put their own words in the mouth of the Lord, claiming it to be true. That very reason was one of the main reasons I turned away from God as a kid. I couldn't stand the fact that powerful people would prey on people's faith in order to become rich, to become feared, to become famous. It made me sick, and it still does.

My pastor says that the church is the hope of the world. That it's the job of the church to be the Body of Christ and do good works in His Name. That much I can get behind. I just want to know that the right I'm doing is being done in the right way.

I pray that God will give me peace on this subject. I pray that I can trust and be trusted in my church and become an extension of God's Will.

Love,
MM