Time to Testify

Hey guys. It's been a while since I've made a legitimate post here. I hope you all enjoyed the video I posted last week. I certainly did. :)

Getting down to business, though. As a lot of you may know, my life has been in a state of limbo for the past 3 months or so. My roommate and friend decided he couldn't live with me anymore, which forced me to move back in with my family. In this time, I've lived in two different houses, both with my father.

At the time, I didn't know what it would do to my relationship. We celebrated 6 months together a few days into my first move. At that time I was in a state of total despair. Everything I knew was about to change. I was going to lose my independence, my comfort and a great deal of my freedom. My boyfriend reminded me that I needed to give my fear and pain to God. He prayed over me, and that helped me develop an attitude of peace.

So I prayed for guidance and let the Master do His work. It became clear to both Ron and I that we should combine our incomes and begin building a future together. Initially, we were met with resistance from my mom, who had different ideas about what I should be doing with my life. This discouraged me, but Ron and I continued to look for the perfect place to make our home. After a lot of looking, eventually we found THE ONE, so we put in applications and hoped for the best.

I became terrified of what my parents would say to the point of being scared to even apply anywhere. Would they accept my decision? Would they refuse to help me move? Would they cut me off? Try to break my faith in the man I love? The manner in which the news came out to my father was less than ideal, but he ended up being more or less okay with my decision. But his opinion wasn't as important to me as my mom's.

My mom and I had had intense disagreements about the idea, and even though I knew that moving in with Ron would be best for me, I also felt I needed her support. We eventually dropped the conversation, and hadn't spoken about it until yesterday.

I had been praying since Ron and I had put in our application for this apartment for God to soften my mom's heart. I prayed that she would respect my decision and allow me to be happy.

Ron and I had lunch with my mom yesterday to break the news to her. Her reaction was such a 180, I doubted my ears and eyes. Not only was she respectful of the decision, she was genuinely excited about the prospect and hoped the best for us. I was floored.

I immediately praised God. He heard my prayer and allowed my mom to see that Ron and I were genuinely eager to build our future. Her support means the whole world to me.

In fact, Ron called me about half an hour ago to tell me that our applications have been accepted All we have to do is sign a lease and pick up keys on November 1st and move into our new home! I'm ecstatic! I never could have hoped for our plans to have come together so well. I have to give the praise to God. He has made it possible for Ron and I to begin our journey!

God is doing amazing things for ALL of us! 

^""For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11 NIV

The G.O.S.P.E.L.

Saw this video at Rock City on Sunday. What a powerful piece of poetry. Hope you all enjoy it as much as I did. :)

Finding my Strength, Using my Voice

Lately, I've let a lot of doubt into my life. It's causing me a lot of anxiety, and there's not a whole lot I hate more than feeling like all my plans are bad ones.

I want to trust that God will let the right thing happen, but I'm so concerned with pleasing other people, I fear I'll take the path of least resistance, because that's what I tend to do when I'm in a bind.

Since my last post here, I've moved again, about 30 minutes away from my last residence. I plan on moving again very soon, so I've been pretty obstinate about not unpacking anything. I'm just going to have to pack it up and move again.

I've not been as diligent in reading my Bible as I probably should be. I've not been praying like I should. I need to direct my attention back to God rather than dwell on my own problems. Here are some Bible verses I'm studying to give myself some strength and comfort.

"Unto thee, O Lord, do I lift up my soul. O my God, I trust in thee: let me not be ashamed, let not mine enemies triumph over me" Psalm 25:1-2


"God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble." Psalms 46:1

"He has said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Most gladly therefore I will rather glory in my r of Christ may rest on me. Therefore I take pleasure in weaknesses, in injuries, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then am I strong.weaknesses, that the powe" 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

"When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they will not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned, and flame will not scorch you." Isaiah 43:2

"In nothing be anxious, but in everything, by prayer and petition with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your thoughts in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4: 6-7

Trust

I think I'm going to get a tattoo of the word "Trust". I'm going to put it on my wrist so I can see it all the time. Not to remind myself to be more trusting, but to remind myself how precious it is, and how easily humans can destroy it.

Moments before I invited Christ into my life, a voice asked me "Why do you want to push away someone who loves you so completely?" I had been resisting God. I wanted to learn who God was before I made a commitment to Him. I wanted to read the Bible. I wanted to wait and see if I was sure. I believe it was God who spoke to me and gave me the nudge I needed. "What are you waiting for?" I couldn't give Him an answer. I wanted His love so badly, but I made myself wait for assurance that God was truly who He says He is. I didn't understand that God operates differently than people do.

Even though now I do trust God, I haven't found it any easier to trust people. I've still found it especially difficult to trust the church. The church is just people. People are flawed. How can I trust people, even if they love God? I'd like to trust my church. I'd like to volunteer my time knowing that I'm making a positive difference. I'd like to tithe without fear that my giving won't be mismanaged. I'd like to think that my pastor doesn't confuse opinion with truth. I'd like to think that fear mongering and manipulation have no place in the house of God.
I know far too many people whose lives have been impacted really devistating ways by other people who put their own words in the mouth of the Lord, claiming it to be true. That very reason was one of the main reasons I turned away from God as a kid. I couldn't stand the fact that powerful people would prey on people's faith in order to become rich, to become feared, to become famous. It made me sick, and it still does.

My pastor says that the church is the hope of the world. That it's the job of the church to be the Body of Christ and do good works in His Name. That much I can get behind. I just want to know that the right I'm doing is being done in the right way.

I pray that God will give me peace on this subject. I pray that I can trust and be trusted in my church and become an extension of God's Will.

Love,
MM

Temporary

As I write this, I am sitting in a restaurant down the street from my new home.

Normally that would be exciting news, but I'm really unhappy with the situation. Mainly because of the events leading up to my move. My roommate, a friend I've known for 10 years canceled our lease agreement and refuses to tell me why. The job I have doesn't pay me well enough to let me stay in the neighborhood where I used to live. This has forced me to move back home with my father, who is also in the process of moving, which means I'll be moving twice in one month. I also don't have a driver's license, which restricts my freedom even further.

The biggest problems that this situation presents are:

1: Me getting to my job. My dad lives about a 20 minute drive away from my job. Since I'm at the mercy of his schedule, that leaves me with a feeling of uncertainty about the future of my current job. Which leads me to my second problem.

2: Me getting to my boyfriend. We lived within shouting distance of one another since we met, and we got pretty used to living so close to one another. However, I'm FAR more optimistic about our future together than I am of the future of my job.

 The lack of control I have made me so angry. I felt as if I'd been robbed. I felt like I failed. My freedom and independence were stolen from me by circumstance and there was nothing that I could do.

I'm slowly getting used to the idea. It's been a lot of change very quickly- which is VERY challenging for someone as stubborn as I am.

Then I thought of a Bible verse my pastor spoke about the first time I came to my new church.

“I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." (Jerimiah, 29:11)

Meditating on this verse, and also praying by myself and with others is slowly bringing me to a place of peace. 

I know that my suffering is temporary. I know that my suffering has a purpose. Even if the purpose isn't clear crystal clear to me right now, I know that God is protecting me. I trust Him with my future and my well-being. I trust His will. And everything is going to be okay.


Love
MM

My Diary

Here's the hopeful part of the blog, where I outline my vision and promise to make vigilant postings to appease my hungry readership.

But for real, how about some honesty? The intent of this blog is to act more or less as a spiritual growth chart. This is a story of me discovering Christ.

I've come what seems like a long way in a very short ammount of time. I became curious about becoming Christian in November 2010. On June 12 of this year, I was baptized. In a little over half a year, I went from a disenchanted agnostic a to brand new believer. The series of events that transformed me seem absolutely incredible. I'm still not over how cool this is.

But that's a (very long) story for another day! In the mean time, I'll leave you with a friendly little Bible verse. :)

"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." Hebrews, 11:1 (NIV)

Love,
MM