Break My Heart

It's been several months since I've posted. I have a thousand excuses, but basically, they all add up to "I wasn't moved to".

Let me explain. Now that I've spent nearly a year learning about and becoming comfortable in my new found faith, I've become a little complacent. I've stopped thinking about God as much as I should. I've been desperately clinging to church, viewing it as the only time that I can talk to God. Rather than viewing it as a supplement to my spirituality, it became more or less the only time I allowed myself to be fed.

This past week though, I've been praying a lot. I got slapped in the face a short while back by the fact that I don't really have a dream for my future right now. I was horrified. I began begging God. I asked him to break my heart for something, someone, anything. Upon first glance, I was worried there wasn't anyone I was concerned for. No group of people considered to be "the least"* that I could turn my compassion towards.

Then I read this article:
http://www.advocate.com/Arts_and_Entertainment/Music/Kristin_Chenoweth_Has_Got_Your_Back/

And it clicked. My heart's been broken all along. Even back in high school, I was concerned about my friends and classmates who were bullied and mistreated because of their sexual orientation. I was a steadfast ally and was endlessly loyal to my friends who struggled with their gender and sexual identities.

Reading this article brought to light a heartbreaking reality that I somehow must have forgotten existed: Christians have a really poor relationship with the LGBTQ community. The opening paragraph in the above article reads: "Kristin Chenoweth is not afraid of contradictions." The article then goes on to explain that not only is she an outspoken Christian, she is also an outspoken gay rights advocate. I felt a thump in my chest. Are these two communities really so far removed from one another that they've become mutually exclusive? Is that what our culture has become? Googling the issue brings up articles from both gay advocacy and conservative Christian weblogs that paint a nasty resentful picture of us-versus-them.

The Williams Institute of UCLA estimates that nearly 4% of Americans identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgendered. That's more than 9 MILLION PEOPLE. And current culture would have us believe that Christians want nothing to do with these people.

These are the people who held me and wiped away my tears when I felt I had no hope. These are the people that forced me to keep living even when I didn't want to. These are the people whose safety I verbally and physically fought for because my friends meant everything to me. Those people look more like Jesus than most people I have ever met. Why on earth would I ever want to oppose them? Why would ANYONE?

The realist in me says that this is dangerous. I will be met with heated resistance, possibly from my own church. The defeatist in me says it will fall flat. It tells me these two worlds were separated for a reason, and any effort to join them will be ignored or mocked. But the Spirit in me says to follow this path. I don't think I can ignore this. 

*Matthew 25:40- "The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.'" (NIV)